As I was reading the last two chapters of our assigned textbook, I couldn't help but think how relevant our family and historical roots are in shaping our beliefs and interactions with others. I think about the 1999 movie American History X when, at the end of the movie, the main character realizes that his virulent racism was initially rooted in his father's offhanded comments about affirmative action and how unfair it was. This seed burst open when their father was then killed by an African-American gangbanger. Although hopefully nobody else's family history is quite this dramatic, I think it is critical to take a moment and look at our own family's beliefs-- no matter how painful it may be to do so.
In my own household, I experienced a type of reverse sexism. I grew up with two older brothers, and seeing as I am the baby of the family, of course I was coddled. When I was young, my parents divorced and my mother had sole custody. As I got older (especially in high school and undergraduate) I was held for more responsibilities than my brothers ever were. I was always expected to pay for my own stuff, do my own laundry, shop for myself, take care of the car myself, etc. Meanwhile, my brothers would leave towels on the bathroom floor, drop clothes in the washing machine and never turn it on, and have my mom cook for them non-stop. By the time I was 18, I realized how unfair it was that they had to do nothing, so when my mom would ask me to toss down the towels I'd always refuse. I distinctly remember my grandmother chastising me one time by saying, "You're supposed to help keep the house clean because you're a girl." Even though I was required to take care of more household duties than both of my brothers combined, I was still treated as a child. Even when I was working and had my own car, my mom would tell me to be home at 10, when my brothers were staying out until 1 or 2 in the morning at the same age. The reason why? Because I am a girl.
I'm reminded of this because in my marriage now, we have very un-stereotypical roles in the house. I manage all the money, whereas my husband handles most of the housework and cooking. We play to our strengths. I'm surprised at how many people have criticisms of this type of relationship. He sometimes gets teased and called a "housewife" while I can be portrayed as "bossy." My mother criticized me for not cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for my husband and said that "it wasn't right" to have him cook. I can't help but think about how much my female students are going to have to deal with this attitude that seem so archaic now but is definitely prevalent in the world.
This is one great example of how family upbringing shapes how we see things. I had an experience recently where I was looking for something in my mom's closet and I was surprised at how messy her closet was. Then I realized that my closet has always been just as messy,and this has always been normal for me. Have an extremely tidy closet has never been a priority in my family. On the other hand, my husband keeps his clothes closet impeccably neat. I think he's crazy, and he thinks I'm crazy. If differences and arguments can occur over little stuff like this, imagine how big the arguments can be when people are from completely different cultural backgrounds. Every little thing that seems normal to one person can be completely foreign to another. We can't take anything for granted as "common sense." No such thing exists.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Danica.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. I also grew up in a very similar manner regarding everyone but my mother. Aunts and uncles have these stereotypical expectations for me and well, I haven't exactly fit their mold. In Ecuador, aunts and uncles are very close and in many ways help raise you, just as much as your parents would.
I remember one particular conversation with an aunt in which I told her that I plan on studying and working for a couple years and wasn't thinking about perhaps ever having children or getting married. She took it in a very strange manner and proceeded to tell me that "that will change when I fall in love".
I think our students are going to have to face situations like this in their outside world. At least while they're in my classroom, I won't have them ever feeling this way.
I enjoyed reading your post. I loved that you said that you and your husband play on one another's strength. It the household is running smoothly, keep doing what you are doing!! As I read your post, I cannot help but think about how culture and history plays a role in the classroom. We bring what we learn or see at home into the classroom. I know sometimes that is not always a good thing. However, I believe that we all learn something that may change our lives in the classroom because of the interactions that we have with other people.
ReplyDelete